So I suppose now is as good as any of a time to get back on the blog bicycle. Last time I was here I was nearing the end of my internship and had a solid plan. That plan, like most, was altered...I think it's safe to say drastically. I had big plans to go back to front-line for awhile working recreation and putting people on boats and when the time came, to enter the world of Guest Relations. Now I am working as an Operations Coordinator for MusicAmerica doing student travel. Huh. If you would like to know how that happened, well, I'm sure you already do if we talk on a regular basis. If not, then maybe we should start (or start again). I love to share, but I want to hear about you too.
I visited ISU this past weekend, and it was better than I could have imagined. Dominated my expectations. Took them out to a nice seafood and then never called them again. I would live that weekend over and over again, but coming home made me realize that is not the answer. As much as it may seem like a plausible idea, my time there is through. Living at home and going there every other weekend would just dilute weekends like I just experienced, make them seem insignificant. But what I would give to do it all again. Do it the same, do it differently, I don't care; it was the fact that I was given the opportunity to live it.
At this moment, being there seems like the best idea I could have; it's as my mind is not allowing any other thoughts to develop, and to me, it doesn't seem so crazy. Just go with what works. Crazy thoughts are going through my head. Insane thoughts. Like, is this really where I'm supposed to be, because it seems like I just left a bunch of people that I love and that love me. Something like 19 goodbyes within 20 minutes was one of the more difficult things I've had to do as of late. Should I really be doing this job? Where is right for me? I thought leaving ISU for the last time would be the toughest. Wrong. It never gets easier. At least not for an emotional roller-coaster like myself.
These are just musings that I need to get out because...well, just because I need to. I thought I was pretty self-sufficient and I think I still am. Maybe I'm still catching up on sleep (because lord knows I hardly got any last weekend) or maybe it's because I had to shave (which officially meant the weekend was over) or maybe because I just need to get settled back in. But I really loved that part of my life and can't believe it's this far away. It kills me to look at that picture.
Everyday I hear of individuals that have so many more struggles in their life and mine just pale in comparison. I was recently looking for a roommate on Craigslist and found an entry with a man who was in engineering design for 30 years and was recently laid off. His savings were gone and he just need anywhere to live, someone who would be willing to take just $30 a month. And he sounded so cheerful. Maybe he was full of crap, and I'd like to hope he was, but how can be upset with anything in my life when I've experienced nothing of the sort? We always think ours are the most important until you talk to one other person.
I'm not a quote person (unless it's Anchorman) but this is one that I found stenciled into a desk at Milner years ago during a late night session, and I've tried to live by it ever since.
Live--for the day will come when you are happy, and you bless life'
-Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
Thanks friends for a fantastic weekend. You mean so much to me.
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This makes me want to get naked
ReplyDeleteAND man thats how i totally feel right now; going to California almost on a fluke. Something feels empty but i just don't know what. If i live in Palatine, sure, it'll make me be closer to everyone I know but it would only be on weekends anyway. I'm going to California to find something that I want to do for the rest of my life and i really want that to be film if thats the case but i'll find out through my experiences.
ReplyDeleteThere's just this void that I need to fill. Right now I think its either finding a profession that I love, a girlfriend that is my best friend and some bro's my own age or like you and ryan this past weekend. It was really nice playing with you and hanging out this past weekend. If I could take anything back during college was that i wasn't committed to the team as much as i should have been I have no reason.
BUT we will meet again my friend.